When You Don't Whisper
by allthingsholy
Summary: Five Things Jan Probably Shouldn't Have Said to Jim, JimJan one shot, beginning preS3.


Title: When You Don't Whisper

Author: allthingsholy

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Jan/Jim

Disclaimer: Really not mine, but a girl can wish.

Notes: Written for moireach over at LJ, for the Five Things Meme.

--Five Things Jan Probably Shouldn't Have Said to Jim--

1.) She calls Jim into her office on a Thursday afternoon, opens the door and smiles wider than is natural. The air in the reception area is cold, stale, and she shuts the door with too much force. It shakes the window of her office, and she sees her secretary lift her head. Jan pretends not to notice and walks back behind her desk.

Jim settles into the chair, sits awkwardly with his hands clasped between his knees. Jan grips the back of her desk chair and says, eyes lowered and hands clenched, "I'm sorry, but the transfer request to Stamford wasn't approved." He lowers his head and she forces an apology down.

Jan moves to sit and explains about qualifications and the orders from upper management, but she's pretty sure Jim doesn't hear a thing.

2.) When she's invited to the Dundies (again) and she tries to decline (again), Michael tells her how morale has been low lately. "And a certain tall salesman with floppy hair hasn't improved things, I'll tell you that. Every party has a pooper, you know, and this year it won't be you, because Jim's been all silent and mopey lately and he keeps looking at--"

"Alright, I'll come!" She drops her head into her hand and runs her fingers over her eyes, and slams the phone as Michael's voice starts, "That what she--"

She goes home to change and absolutely does not pack an overnight bag this time.

When she gets to Scranton--Michael emailed her directions to the Chili's, as if she hadn't been there before, though, granted, she'd block certain meetings from her mind if she could--it's 8 o'clock, and her stomach's been rumbling for over an hour. She's missed half the awards, but manages to catch up with an Awesome Blossom and the biggest margarita they serve.

After the party she heads out to the parking lot, Dundie for 'Best (Corporate) Boss' in her hand. She fumbles through her purse for a cigarette, and curses when her plastic figurine clatters to the ground.

She hadn't heard Jim behind her, but she turns to see him bending down to pick up her Dundie, hair falling into his eyes. He brushes it off, shines the fake gold with his thumb. "Wouldn't want to lose this," he says, his fingers warm against hers as he hands back the statuette. 

"Not when it's such a flattering likeness," Jan replies, setting her purse on the back of her car. "I always thought I had a slightly curvier figure than this guy."

"Oh, you do, don't worry," Jim says, then lowers his head like he's embarrassed.

Jan smiles, lets out a small laugh. She closes her hand around her pack of cigarettes, pulls it and the lighter from her purse. "Have you started smoking yet?" She grabs one and then extends the pack toward him, watches his eyes go from it to the bend of her wrist and back, before he takes it from her hand.

He clears his throat, shifts away and settles himself against her car. "No, not yet. I haven't quite reached--"

His words are cut off by quick, sharp laughter from across the parking lot, and she sees his lips tighten and his hands falter. She follows his eyes and sees Roy press a hand to the small of Pam's back, and sucks in a breath and looks away.

They're quiet a moment, the sound of Jim's thumb against the lighter's wheel the only sound between them. Jan doesn't say something trite and hollow about things working out for the best, she just clears her throat and blows smoke up toward the sky. She scratches her arm with the fingers of her free hand, then gestures with her cigarette toward the empty parking space four spots from the exit.

"There's where I kissed Michael," Jan says, her voice low. Jim doesn't respond, just shifts his eyes from the empty parking space to the truck next to it. They stand like that a long while, forearms pressed together, smoke from Jan's cigarette around their heads. Just the flicker of flame between them.

3.) "Do you want to come up?" Jim's been in New York for two weeks--a position suddenly opened up at the corporate office, and Jan will deny until she dies that she sold her soul to get it for him--but this is the first night they were able to get together for celebratory drinks, and she's usually better than this at holding her liquor, but she signed the final divorce papers today and now Gould might as well be dead. Jan breathes out, shifts from heel to heel, and does not ask him again.

Jim looks away and doesn't answer, just reaches around her to open the door to her building, and when she turns around and walks inside, she's too scared to check if he's behind her.

4.) It's two in the morning and there's whiskey on Jim's tongue, his breath hot as he whispers in her ear. Jan pauses, tries not to flinch. "My name's not _Pam_," Jan says, Jim's hands under her blouse. Jim blinks his eyes and pulls away.

5.) The night she overhears Pam's teary message on Jim's answering machine, faint, rambling words before the loud automated voice saying 'Message deleted,' she doesn't say a word. When she slips into bed later--bare legs against cold sheets and he doesn't even turn to touch her--she presses a kiss against his shoulder, runs a hand along his hip. Jim breathes out hard and moves away.


End file.
